One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the
other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space
between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student
on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had
said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list.
Before long, the entire class was smiling.
"Re ally?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again.
She never knew if they discussed them after class with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose.
The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on. Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student.
She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends.
One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin.
The teacher was the last one to bl ess the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her.
"Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes."
Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
"We want to s how you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times.
The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her purse and showed her frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times, " Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are
special and important.
Tell them, before it is too late...
AND ONE WAY TO ACCOMPLISH THIS IS:
Forward this message on.
If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the
wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.
If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.
If you're "too busy" to take those few minutes right now to forward
this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do
that little thing th at would make a difference in your relationships?
The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at
reaching out to those you care about.
Remember, you reap what you sow, what you put into the lives of
others comes back into your own.
MAY YOUR DAY BE BLESSED AND AS SPECIAL AS YOU ARE.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Kamba culture demystified!
This is an account of the marriage part of the Kamba culture as narrated by my grandma, a request by one of my friends here in face book and beyond. Contents: Courtship/dating Introduction to parents Introduction between parents Dowry arrangements Wedding What is given out to the wife by grand parents? What is expected of wife towards in-laws? Courtship/dating: In the earlier days and even today, parents are not so concerned about how you date so long as you don’t mess around! They would the courting for you if you failed in that sector, which doesn’t happen often nowadays! They would identify a lady and talk to the parents or even bring her to you , build you a house and expect you to start a family by their own rules… Introduction to parents The lady did the first introduction: still the case to date. This was to enable the man to understand the kind of family he is bringing a lady to his from! It would stay that way till the groom found it necessary for him to do the introduction of the lady to his parents:- she would be active, obedient to her parents, know how to cook and of course beautiful!. Then she would be introduced. Introduction between parents After the initial introduction, the parents of the man would go together with him or without depending on the distance and would get to know the brides parents, introduction done by both or an older person in the party held in the lady’s home by the mans family. This is to confirm the earlier introductions by both, the lady and the man. happens till to date. Dowry arrangements This is done in part by the mans parents depending on what is agreed in the previous party if any, the availability of both parties and how much they can afford at the time. These days however it happens after the birth of the first kid. Wedding This is done by the two love birds, of course with the help of parents and the church. It wasn’t done in the past but it is a day for the bride and very important. It should happen only when the two are ready to live together in the same house setting and are ready to continue the lineage and merge their families because that is the real reason for a family! What is given out to the wife by grand parents? Small kiondo – this is given to the wife as a hold for seeds: this is to help her in her planting and to tell her now you are the one to look after your shamba, know what to plant and when, how!! Big kiondo – to go to the market with, visit her parents with but first it is left with her mother during the party when a decision is reached, to carry only some of her clothes when she is moving to her house after the wedding. Beaded necklace – an accessory to show her acceptance into the man’s family. What is expected of wife towards in-laws? I’d refer you to the bible, all you know of this! Plus, Obedience to the husband, parents, and people fit to be her parents and the like. Active and trainable. Great cook Stay beautiful and respectful to both sets of her parents! Any comments are welcome, but this is what is expected of a happily ever after family.
Recovering from a breakup!
Recovering from a breakup!
How do you pick up the pieces?
June 21, 2010 - How do you move on from a broken relationship?…I’ve asked myself that question ever since my first boyfriend broke my little innocent heart way back when I was a naïve little girl-I was shattered! That naïve little girl grew up asking the same question right after she broke up with her currently ‘mature’ boyfriend. How do you really get the strength to pick up the pieces and move on from something that you thought so beautiful to be indestructible? Let us try and get the first answer to that.
Acceptance
I think this is the hardest and most emotionally drenching phase we have to confront. Here you thought that you finally found ‘the one’, only for your dreams to be painfully shattered. It’s mostly unfortunate for those of us who have been in steady relationships and were almost heading in the direction of marriage or worse were already in it. Sit down and try to have a mature conversation with yourself. Pretty absurd, but it actually works and it’s the most rewarding therapy ever. Intrapersonal communication is the best way to come to terms with reality, it helps you search yourself. When you accept that the relationship is over (to yourself) being the key word here, you will make it easier to move on.
Don’t play ‘Mr. fix it’
Most of us, after going through a series of confusing emotions after a major break-up, think that we can come up with a solution to whatever happened. So you rush into stuff and make everything worse than it was before (I will not go into the messages and psycho calls you make to your ex). When it doesn’t work out, you start blaming yourself for something that was obviously not under your control. We cannot be masters over everything, especially concerning matters related to the heart. So stop fixing it and start living it. Remember that everything happens for a reason, as cliché as it may sound, and just sitting back and taking it all in will really help you see the other side of the coin.
Deviate from the past
Yep! don’t give me that look…it never helped anyone living with your head in the clouds hoping that some day your ex will come back with a face full of remorse and dramatically beg for your forgiveness. Well for some damn reason it happens to one in ten of us, and no you are not that one. Cheer up though, because the moment you stop thinking that such a thing will happen you will be actually be on the road to recovery. Getting rid of any memories that remind you of the hurt isn’t such a bad idea. You don’t have to completely wipe out your brain of the person; I call it ‘selective amnesia’. You just avoid living in the past; always looking over your shoulder hoping that one day things will be back to the same old, because the sad thing is that they usually don’t. It even makes it harder for a new and better relationship to blossom and this may lead to strain. If it means burning the love letters or putting away stuff that reminds you of the good old days so be it. After all, it will be a small price to pay for
your freedom.
Try and move on
So the idiot didn’t actually come back. That’s ok because it is actually their loss. If you want to have something precious you have to go out there and look for it. My point being that nothing good comes easy, you don’t just sit there feeling sorry for yourself. Learn from your past relationships instead of letting them break you down. The hurt and the tears should serve to make you a stronger person and giving someone else a chance to make you happy will be a gift to yourself. Look for qualities in them that you admire and respect and do not go for the same kind of ‘replica’ that your ex was. The most encouraging thing in a break up is proving that you learnt from previous mistakes and you are willing to give yourself another shot in happiness. Remember that life is too short to waste on sulking around.
How do you pick up the pieces?
June 21, 2010 - How do you move on from a broken relationship?…I’ve asked myself that question ever since my first boyfriend broke my little innocent heart way back when I was a naïve little girl-I was shattered! That naïve little girl grew up asking the same question right after she broke up with her currently ‘mature’ boyfriend. How do you really get the strength to pick up the pieces and move on from something that you thought so beautiful to be indestructible? Let us try and get the first answer to that.
Acceptance
I think this is the hardest and most emotionally drenching phase we have to confront. Here you thought that you finally found ‘the one’, only for your dreams to be painfully shattered. It’s mostly unfortunate for those of us who have been in steady relationships and were almost heading in the direction of marriage or worse were already in it. Sit down and try to have a mature conversation with yourself. Pretty absurd, but it actually works and it’s the most rewarding therapy ever. Intrapersonal communication is the best way to come to terms with reality, it helps you search yourself. When you accept that the relationship is over (to yourself) being the key word here, you will make it easier to move on.
Don’t play ‘Mr. fix it’
Most of us, after going through a series of confusing emotions after a major break-up, think that we can come up with a solution to whatever happened. So you rush into stuff and make everything worse than it was before (I will not go into the messages and psycho calls you make to your ex). When it doesn’t work out, you start blaming yourself for something that was obviously not under your control. We cannot be masters over everything, especially concerning matters related to the heart. So stop fixing it and start living it. Remember that everything happens for a reason, as cliché as it may sound, and just sitting back and taking it all in will really help you see the other side of the coin.
Deviate from the past
Yep! don’t give me that look…it never helped anyone living with your head in the clouds hoping that some day your ex will come back with a face full of remorse and dramatically beg for your forgiveness. Well for some damn reason it happens to one in ten of us, and no you are not that one. Cheer up though, because the moment you stop thinking that such a thing will happen you will be actually be on the road to recovery. Getting rid of any memories that remind you of the hurt isn’t such a bad idea. You don’t have to completely wipe out your brain of the person; I call it ‘selective amnesia’. You just avoid living in the past; always looking over your shoulder hoping that one day things will be back to the same old, because the sad thing is that they usually don’t. It even makes it harder for a new and better relationship to blossom and this may lead to strain. If it means burning the love letters or putting away stuff that reminds you of the good old days so be it. After all, it will be a small price to pay for
your freedom.
Try and move on
So the idiot didn’t actually come back. That’s ok because it is actually their loss. If you want to have something precious you have to go out there and look for it. My point being that nothing good comes easy, you don’t just sit there feeling sorry for yourself. Learn from your past relationships instead of letting them break you down. The hurt and the tears should serve to make you a stronger person and giving someone else a chance to make you happy will be a gift to yourself. Look for qualities in them that you admire and respect and do not go for the same kind of ‘replica’ that your ex was. The most encouraging thing in a break up is proving that you learnt from previous mistakes and you are willing to give yourself another shot in happiness. Remember that life is too short to waste on sulking around.
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